Transatlanic Porn Star

So today's title has nothing to do with the actual post. On the way home from the grocery store there was a Death Cab for Cutie song on which made me think of another one of their songs which made me think of today's title.


I don't know if I've mentioned this before but my daughter eats like she's a truck driver. There are times when she's not really hungry or she's tired and cranky but for the most part she's ALWAYS hungry. While at the store I went to get her a Hungry Man meal and her dad goes "does she really need that much?" All it took was a look and he realized what he had said and recanted his question. You're probably thinking my daughter is a chunkster now. Violet weighs 23.2 lbs on a good day. She eats and eats but has a really really hard time gaining weight. Most kids her age are around 30 lbs (at least) by now and she's the size of most one year olds. We haven't really figured out why she has such a hard time gaining yet. Her daddy and I have no problem gaining weight though I am a small person in general. The biggest thing about Violet (other than her personality) is her head. While her height and weight stay in the less than 3 percentile, her head is usually in the 25th or larger percentile. It's normal for children to have larger heads but it's kind of funny to see just how much bigger her head is than the rest of her according to the numbers.

Staying on the topic of food, I really don't enjoy cooking on a regular basis. I like making meals for special occasions ( I make dinner for my dad on his birthday and Father's Day) but not on like a day to day basis. It's hard to do in our house anyway since Violet's dad and I don't like many of the same things and we have really plain tastes and I like for Violet to eat really healthy so if I did cook I'd end up making three different dinners each night. I make two things at least once a week, Spaghetti and Tachos. (Tachos are really taco meat, fritos, and cheese in more of a salad type dish but my boyfriend started calling them Tachos so it stuck) I'm the only one that eats either of those things. Violet's food can usually be popped in the microwave or the oven for a few minutes so I don't consider that cooking and her dad usually makes himself a frozen pizza... The pizzas really annoy me. One day Violet was pretend eating him and I asked her what he tasted like and she said "Dr. Pepper, Pizza, and Hamburgers." I think you have a problem when your two year old can sum up the gist of everything you eat.

Let's Get Physical

I've been pretty terrible about exercising for at least a year and a half now. Before I was pregnant I danced pretty much every day and I ate decently. When I got pregnant I started to eat better although there were days when all I wanted was some rice with soy sauce or a giant plate of mashed potatoes with gravy. I also walked to school some and around the neighboorhood (although I did try to get out of that as much as possible). After Violet was born I went back to dance but I only did one night a week and my diet went downhill quickly. I haven't gone back to dance since classes ended and I've learned that it's much easier to sustain my weight than lose weight. Last night/this morning, however, I got off my slightly larger ass and finally put on that pilates DVD I bought like 4 months ago but never even opened. I LOVE pilates because it's a workout I can actually feel working while I'm doing it and it doesn't blow out my knees like running does. My reasons for working out may mostly center around the fact that my mom still freaks out when I'm not sucking in because I have a nice ring of belly bulge.... It's not often (in public) that you find me not sucking in like my life depends on it since I don't want to look like I'm pregnant again and it makes my boobs look extra perky. Seriously, If you want to look like you have extra upper body muscle or extra cleavage just suck in your stomach. I've also been told that it helps tone your mid section since it's working some of your core muscles. Eventually I may also get my diet back under control but I feel like I may lose focus on my exercise if I do that... I'm not super woman (because if I was I would have more problems with my daughter shooting laser beams out of her eyes and picking up the family car than trying to lose weight) also if I was super woman I could probably eat whatever I want and still be a size zero.

Jeremiah was a Stretch Mark

Well, I was going to treat everyone to some videos of my daughter... However, her dad vetoed that plan. If you would like to lodge a formal complaint you can flood his comments on his blog at www.grapebeans.blogspot.com . Maybe a passive aggressive protest will help him change his mind :)

As I was doing my usual after bath post mortem in the mirror, I realized what I needed to talk about today. In all my years of sex ed and health education I was never told all the unpleasent things that occur from being pregnant. No one ever told me that there was a strong possibility that I'd end up with stretch marks all the way around my belly. I wasn't informed that my days of wearing a bikini would be over before I was even able to legally vote. Young girls who are more educated about all aspects of pregnancy would probably be more likely to either not have sex or at least be more careful. Teachers tended to focus on the horrifyingly gross side effects of STDs and STIs which is all well and good and it does encourage condom usage but not birth control usage. Condoms are very effective when used properly but a vast number of people (young and old) don't know the proper way to use a condom (surprisingly). Condoms aren't 100% effective even when used completely right and can break as well. I think more girls need to be informed about all the birth control options and use both birth control and condoms if they decide to actually have sex. When I was in middle school and high school there was no way I was ever going to broach the subject about birth control with my mother because she'd automatically assume I was having sex and I really wasn't. (at least not until well into high school) Hell, my mom and I never even talked about sex. When I was in either fifth or sixth grade she gave me 2 books on puberty and that was it. One of those books covered sex but I can't remember if it even talked about birth control and it surely was not a substitute for actually talking to an informed human being. A lot girls in America have a similar situation with their moms. We love them, it's just really hard to talk to them about some things with out it seeming like we're actually doing them instead of just wanting to be educated. Not to harp on stretch marks, but if my books or anyone had told me about them I probably would have been even more vigilant. I already have scars on my back and one on my knee that I'll most likely have for the rest of my life. Now I have a Freddy Krueger stomach to match and a scar from Violet being born. We hear stories and see on TV where they talk about how you'll poop yourself during labor but what I never notice anyone talking about is how during the crowning, you'll likely get tearing and some doctors even preform an episiotomy which is where they make a surgical incision on the lower vaginal area. After birth they stitch you up. I think that'd do a pretty good job of scaring most teenage girls away from having sex until they're ready to have a baby. We should show Ricki Lake's birthing video or the video of the women giving birth in the Black Sea. Any birthing video would do though. I would show mine around, but too many people would probably find it hilarious since I say "I just need to poop" at least ten times and you can't see anything since we only had enough people to hold my legs and feed me ice and not enough for someone to hold the camera. Remember to flood www.grapebeans.blogspot.com with comments so you can watch gems like that. :)

Urinary Discourse

A lot of women seem to have a problem with leaking urine now and then. Whether it's from coughing, sneezing, laughing too hard, or just moving the wrong way. It usually occurs from having kids or just plain getting old. I know it happened to me a few times while I was in my third trimester and I can only think it would get worse the more kids you're carrying at once. However, I think I prefer to leak a little rather than feel like I have to pee 24/7 but not actually have to go. I have a UTI right now and it is positively awful. The doctor gave me some meds today so hopefully that will take care of it but so far I've been on the toilet more than off of it the past few days.

Update: I fell asleep partway through this post and I can't really remember what my point was but my medicine seems to be helping. So now for something completely different.

We're trying to teach Violet her alphabet and how to spell her name. She's doing pretty well so far thanks to a niffty little device my mom got her. It's a toy that you put on the fridge (magnetized) and it comes with letter magnets. When Violet puts a letter on the toy and pushes, it sings the name of the letter and all the sounds it makes. "Every letter makes a sound V says vuh. Every letter makes a sound V says vuh." Violet is completely obsessed with it and we hear it at least 20 times a day but it seems to be working well. We also like to write her name a lot so she's up to knowing the first 4 letters of her name. The letter E seems to confuse her a bit though. Not to get all sappy, but everyday Violet just amazes me more and more. She's almost too smart but I wouldn't have her any other way. She is very much her own person and I can tell she's going to be a lot like I was. Very independant and not really caring what other people think.

Dream Phone Tag

Violet and I just got up and are watching Special Agent Oso on Disney which really doesn't have anything to do with the rest of this post. I'm pretty tired still so you'll have to just stick with it if this thing gets derailed. So anyway, last night I had a pretty odd dream about one of my old next door neighbors. I grew up with a bunch of guys so I guess it shouldn't really shock me that I'd have an interesting dream about one of them. It's not like it hasn't happened before. Last night, in the dream, I was back at my parents' house when I decided to go see my across the street neighbor, Thomas. It seemed like a much longer trip over there than in real life and I ran into one of my old dance teachers who was headed over there to ask his mom something. When we got there the house was suddenly riverfront (the road had turned into a river) and there were all these other houses built around it. Thomas and Charles (my actual next door neighbor) come out and we go around to the back porch. Thomas then starts taking off my pants for some reason but then his mom comes out so my pants rebutton themselves and we go to play in the yard that's suddenly sprung up in place of the river. My house is also just behind the yard as well and we have a new fence that has a code and I manage to set off.... multiple times. Now that I really think about it, I think the alarm on the fence was from John's phone going off. He resets his alarm at least 3 times and it really pisses me off. He does it every damn day. I don't understand why he doesn't just set it for later to begin with. I know I kind of glazed over the whole Thomas starting to take off my pants thing but I was wearing jeans and only the top button and part of the zipper were undone so there wasn't even any underwear revealed. When I was little I always thought that it was more than likely that I would marry a neighbor. I knew that if I had to marry one, it might as well be Thomas. He's one of like my all time favortite people. I'm kind of mad at him right now, however. Thomas has decided to not pick up my phone calls or call back when I call him. I only think about it when I'm back in town and I actually have free time which only occurs once every few months. Next time, I'm just going to fucking go over there. So this post has been kind of random and weird, much like my life.

Canadian Leftovers

Well, I can't sleep and I'm thinking it had something to do with the leftover Kanki (I spelled it wrong last post, whoops) whispering to me to eat it from the fridge. It's longing calls finally became too much to bear so I'm stuffing my face with it right now. I finally figured out how to see who's been viewing my blog and while I would like to say that I'm just tech savvy, in all truth and honesty it was purely by accident. On that note, I would like to give a shout out to the one person from Canada who has at least clicked on my blog! Pretty sure I know who you are but if you're actually a complete stranger then that's totally cool too. I have to respect, well respect's not really the right word... Appreciate (better) someone who lives so damn far north. I do not enjoy going over the Mason-Dixon line... hell, I hate going further north than the state line in any season except summer. The further north, the smaller the window of acceptable weather. I lived in Montana when I was pregnant during winter, spring, and summer. Never. Again. It snowed while I was there. I know what you're thinking, "but you were there during winter, of course it snowed, wouldn't it be weird if it didn't snow? What is your IQ? Do I need to find someone to help you?" Yes, it was pretty much complete snow until like April when there was only the occasional flurry. Then it snowed in fucking June. Montana is very beautiful and the people are great but I could never live long term in a state where it sometimes snows in the damn summer. God only knows what could happen in the summer in Canada. So again, thank you to my Canadian looker, may you not get frost bite next July.

Reboot

So, it's obviously been a while since I last posted. Granted, I don't think anyone's really given a shit since only like 2 people read this. Today is my birthday :) and I am officially not a teenager anymore. I'd be excited about that regardless of whether I was a mom or not but it'll be nice to no longer be a "teen mom." It's been a pretty relaxed day today. I got up early and watched some TV (No Ordinary Family, Raising Hope, Running Wilde) and then Violet and John got up. We're doing a lot of things this month and we ordered my Nancy Drew game last night ( :) ) so I wasn't expecting anything but a verbal Happy Birthday. I was pleasently surprised when John came in with Violet holding a really sweet Winnie the Pooh card!!! Then John went to work and Violet and I played and we both took a long nap. In a few min I should probably get ready for dinner. My parents are taking us out to Khanki (best fucking place ever) it's kind of a yearly tradition that is usually accompanied by a chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins but I didn't ask for the cake this year. I am also getting a water filter from them as well. I know, my life is SUPER exciting.... (that's sarcasm if you weren't aware) We need one but with Yo Gabba Gabba Live and Disney, we just can't afford it this month... More on that later though because I really need to get ready before John shits himself :D